Rhythm of Life Volume 3

the Rhythm of Life is published weekly by David A. Johnson. -=-=-=-= E-Mail Dave: rhythmofdave at aol dot com -=-=-=-=-=-=- AIM Screen Name: d0johns1

VOLUME 3 ISSUE 3 IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST ISSUE EVER WRITTEN! CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO READ TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, AND TRAVERSE CITY AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF!

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My Old Addiction Part 1

January 25, 2004

Let it be known first of all that this is the first of a two parter. Next week’s Rhythm will shed more light onto this issue, and for Megan, since I know you still read, please wait until you’ve read both before any judgement is passed.

Why do we torture ourselves in relationships? Why do we torture ourselves when we’re NOT in a relationship?

Remember back to August, when I wrote the Megan story? I’ve been thinking a lot about that article as of late, especially thanks to a trip to the supermarket back in late November.

I had all my groceries and was waiting in a checkout line. A woman was shoveling several loaves of bread, several packets of cheese, and thousands of groceries onto the traveling rubber conveyor belt. Boxes of single serve potato chips, jar after jar of ovaltine, 3 gallons of Sunny Delight, 4 of milk. Vegetables, meals in a box, soup, 6 large jars of peanut butter, seven of jelly. This woman was either stocking up for a coming apocalypse, or had a family to feed.

I studied her carefully for about a minute. She was maybe thirty (if that), attractive, but only in that “Dude, your mom’s hot” kind of way. She had a wedding band, and as she opened her purse to fish out her credit card to pay for her three hundred dollars in groceries, there it was. The picture of her, her husband, and four kids ranging from baby to roughly third grade.

I looked down at my own grocery cart. I had a case of beer, four bags of potato chips, a gallon of ice cream, and frozen TV dinners. Her cart screamed family, mine screamed “Single”

Behind me, I turned to see two old people with a basket full of groceries. They were a handsome couple, but sandwiched in between the family gal, and the Sunset Hills crowd, I felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb.

Desperately, I looked around the crowded store for like minded single people in the land of the bulls eye. What I found made me realize that Kalamazoo was a town full of singles and opportunity. Cadillac was where good singles went to die.

I paid for my overpriced grocery items on a close to maxed out credit card and drove home thinking…had I blown my chance at a perfectly good relationship by not aggressively pursuing things with Megan?

The answer was no, as I’ve come to realize now. However, back then I was sinking fast into a “Is this going to be my life forever” mentality. The reason was because Melanie had come to visit me not two weeks before, and I had reached an important realization. I loved Megan, but not as anything other than a good friend.

In August I introduced you to the two of us and our ill fated affair in the article “It’s All In The Timing”. I ended it by talking about how Melanie was now in a relationship with someone else and how it made me feel.

Now it’s time to update you on Megan’s relationship. This is the only “Rhythm” I have not run by the people involved, which means if you come back next week with a “Rhythm of Life has been closed” sign hanging on the door, I’m in court and will be back with you as soon as I can.

Megan had ended up with a real dud. I started teaching in September and got almost daily phone messages from her. The guy was treating her like shit. He hated her family, he made fun of her relentlessly, and by the time the relationship ended in October, he had bled her checking account dry.

I talked her through all of this, and eventually the two of them called it quits for good. I came down to Kalamazoo and had a “Laundry” date with Megan where things seemed to be going back on track. We had a wonderful day and at the end of it, I slipped a two hundred dollar check into her purse.

I have a friend who is an up and coming self help guru. We went to high school together and he’s about to launch his own private enterprise known as “8 Simple Reasons”. I spent an afternoon in late December listening to his pitch and I know he’s going to be raking in millions in a few years.

In his freebie workshop, we were able to identify that in the four quadrants humans operate under, I am what’s known as a “Guardian” Most good teachers are, as the mental qualities required demand you have an undying love for human kind in all of it’s forms. The form of Guardian I fall under is between Guardian and Idealist, which makes me a “Defender”.

The key to Defenders is that whenever anyone is down, they feel it is their duty as a fellow human being to do whatever they can to raise them back up again. Defenders are far and few between, and have a tendency to solve a problem and move on to other problems, hoping that the help and advice they’ve given makes the person they’ve helped a stronger person, and given them the tools to solve their own problems in the future.

Quickly I thought back to all my previous relationships and realized that they all suffered the same problem…me giving some form of advice, and them taking it. Soon after, things always ended.

I left Anthony’s self help seminar thinking a new question…I gave Megan that check to help. By doing so, have I now begun my search for the new problem?

Back to Megan…two weeks after I gave her that check, she announced that she was going to come to Cadillac to spend a weekend with me. I was excited, as the possibility of sparking that old flame back up again was a wonderful possibility.

She arrived, and the weekend of fun ensued. There was only one problem. I had geared myself up to this being a weekend of “Maybe we should get back together” and I wasn’t feeling that vibe whatsoever.

To this day we have not discussed the ill fated voyage. She left the next morning without waking me up, electing instead to leave a note. Had she felt the same vibe…or in this case, lack thereof that I had?

We talk now as friends, and that’s alright by me. The realization that came from Anthony’s freebie workshop seemed like the logical explanation, and it still does. I’ve settled into a routine. Monday-Friday is the grind at work. I’ll come home, grade papers, and plan my next week at school Saturday is grocery and laundry day, followed by movies and alcohol with Kara. Sunday is the most important day of all…Sunday is don’t leave the house for any reason whatsoever day, and I like it. When I shop for groceries, I don’t suffer the panic attack I suffered that day at Meijers when I shared my checkout lane with happy couples canoodling over noodles.

What I wonder now however, is that if Defenders are so far and few between, are we the ones that aren’t destined for a true relationship? If our mindset is to help others until their problems are solved, who solves our problems? Are we ABLE to have a relationship? As we’ll see next week however, it’s quite possible that the whole of this article is bullshit for me. We shall see what we shall see.