Rhythm of Life Volume 3

the Rhythm of Life is published weekly by David A. Johnson. -=-=-=-= E-Mail Dave: rhythmofdave at aol dot com -=-=-=-=-=-=- AIM Screen Name: d0johns1

VOLUME 3 ISSUE 3 IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST ISSUE EVER WRITTEN! CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO READ TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, AND TRAVERSE CITY AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF!

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My Old Addiction Part 2

February 1, 2004

Last week we talked about…well, lots of things. Last week’s article is about a night that some of us would like to forget. I myself will cherish the memories always, but Kara…while she says it’s one of the best articles I’ve ever written, turns several shades of white and red depending on the paragraph we’re reading.

While reading some of the back entries to Kara’s ex Zeke the other day, he said that Kara had told him the same story, only that Kara made herself out in a much different light. We laughed and Kara just shook her head. When asked about our Eccentric night this past December, Zeke asked me how I might describe that night, and in the end, I realized that in telling the story to him, I would have made myself out in a different light as well.

Which is why, no holds barred, we’re going to go into the honest truth about Eccentric Night 2003.

A circus is a lively carnival of events with freak shows, rides, attractions, and of course, who could forget…the ringmaster. The ringmaster of Eccentric Night is one Larry Bell, who has devised some of the most delicious, flavorful concoctions of Beer the third rock from the sun has seen. Larry knows many things, all centered around Beer, and for a year and a half I called him “boss”

His brewery, Bells, has been mentioned in Rhythm of Life before as the hangout where myself, Kara, Nick, and Jake used to go religiously back in the “Good old days” circa 2002-2003. The Good Old Days I refer to constantly as my final year of college. I worked there as a Keg filler circa 2001-2002, and loved every minute of it…even the eccentric boss.

The Eccentric Night however, is a yearly event hosted by Larry where you have to have a bizarre costume to enter. The celebration centers around a miraculous beer that has the potency of malt liquor. It’s released for one day a year, Eccentric Day. By the time our group usually arrives, around Eccentric 8:30 p.m. there are people who have been there all day long and are beyond the dictionary definition of the word “Sloshed”

Our group attends every year as a group theme. Last year we unveiled “Scooby Doo” with yours truly impersonating “rooby roo? Rhehehehe” This year was Kara’s turn to pick, and we went as Slut White and the Seven Dwarves. Jake went as Prince Pimpin’, Kara was Slut White, Nick went as “Sleazy”, I went as Frumpy. Zeke made a guest appearance as “Dopey” the dope fiend. Kara’s friend Jill went as “Slutty”. So we didn’t have seven dwarves, however we did have a place to stay, and since none of us aside from Jake and Nick lived in Kalamazoo anymore, that was always comforting to know I wouldn’t have to throw up in strange places.

We called our limousine for the evening…Big Daddy Taxi, and we were on our way. While we didn’t have all seven dwarves, we did all have money, and we did all have a game plan. Use money to get beer, drink beer, get drunk, repeat step one. What we did, what we always do however, is split off and see what attractions Larry holds for us all this year.

Whenever “the gang” goes to the bar, while there is some room for moving around and meeting others, we usually occupy one table all evening. On Eccentric Night we have no table. No one has tables. In fact, Larry Bell removes the tables. On Eccentric Night we all head off and find the part of the circus that we love the most.

ZEKE AND JILL’S STORY:

Zeke and Jill went off to meet groups and introduce themselves as brother and sister. At one point they decided to inform everyone that Zeke had just gotten out of jail. What for I cannot recall, however it was something as flimsy and unbelievable as the rest of their story, including that the two of them were related.

That’s the beauty of Eccentric Night. You take the lies as fact without any questions.

When I caught up with Zeke at one point he was talking two very skanky women one of whom had purple hair. I eavesdropped on their conversation for awhile, it was nothing remarkable, however Zeke was highly amused with the comment of the girl with purple hair. When asked for the one piece of advice that she could impart upon him, she simply responded: “Never put anything in your mouth that’s bigger than your head.”

Jill while on her own, met several guys she dubbed as cute, but the highlight of her evening was when Larry Bell himself felt her up.

Everyone wanted a piece of Zeke because of the bags of oregano he had stapled to his shirt for the “Dopey” look. Everyone wanted a piece of Jill because she was oh so slutty as slutty.

NICK’S STORY:

Honestly, I can say I don’t know much about Nick’s night. I do know that the girls liked his “The Continental” costume, just as they had at Halloween. Nick’s story trail picks up at the end of the night however, so we’ll just have to come back to him.

JAKE’S STORY:

Jake also has some action at the back end of this particular story, however, Jake had some friends show up, and Jake’s confidence goes up by a certain ratio every time another friend shows up. At least at the bar it does.

KARA’S STORY:

Has Kara grown as a person? Well…Kara made the “Not a Whore in 2004” resolution unfortunately this volume of Rhythm of Life is non-sequitor meaning it’s still 2003. Kara found the man of her dreams that night on Eccentric Night. He was tall, dark, handsome, and had six nipples.

Unfortunately, the last part wasn’t part of his costume, he had several large moles strategically placed to make it look like he was cross bred with the feline variety. Seriously, he showed them to me, the guy honestly had six nipples.

I knew Kara’s dream man was bogus, because aside from finding out when each others birthdays were (exact same day, exact same year) he asked all the questions, she answered, then he’d agree. At least, for the five minutes I observed.

I could see from Kara’s eyes that she was once again in love with a loser, so I decided to leave her and go in search of my own story for the evening.

DAVE’S STORY:

Jake’s friends were also my friends, so I hung out over there for a long time, reacquainting myself with some people I hadn’t seen for a few months. I was introduced to a friend of a friend’s girlfriend, and after witnessing her kiss Nick, I wanted one too. It’s Eccentric Night. I verbalized my opinions, and got a kiss.

Larry Bell walked by, and I congratulated him on another classy party. Larry Bell never breaks character on eccentric night. Actually, Larry Bell is eccentric year round and never breaks character, but he actually did to tell me where I could find some of the rarer varieties of Bells Beer in Northern Michigan. I was honored that tonight’s crazy doctor gave me a beer checkup. It was a few minutes later when he felt up Jill.

Jill eventually came over and grabbed me for one of the excursions she had gone on with Zeke. First we went up to two of my old co-workers, and I was so in costume and character, they didn’t recognize me.

The second excursion brought me over to a beautiful brunette. She was hot, and apparently interested in me although I wouldn’t know until everyone was hitting me over the head with frying pans later.

I DID however free some inhibitions and made up a glorious lie to “Angel Wings”. I called her Angel Wings because her costume gave her these beautiful golden angel wings, with a tinfoil halo holding her hair up. I made up this story about being drunk at a frat party my freshman year of college and I drank too much. A girl with angel wings saved my life by rushing me to the hospital. I now had a Cinderella complex, being that I was now searching for the beautiful girl with angel wings who had saved my life. She was hooked and I was too drunk to notice.

THE REST OF THE EVENING

As the evening progressed, and another great Eccentric night was had, and it was getting to be time to call the cab to return to Jake’s apartment.

Kara came over to ask if she could bring Six Nipples home with us. It was unanimous. “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She was depressed, and started shouting about how she was leaving her soul mate at the bar. I felt like vomiting, but to this day I don’t remember if it was from the prospect of having to sit with Kara through the Six Nipples dating relationship story, or if it was from drinking too many Eccentric Ales.

As we began to make our way towards the door, I realized everyone else had lived it up, but I was too busy following them around for the stories. It was time to get one of my own, and I saw the perfect opportunity with two skanky looking women waiting by the door for someone.

I went over to them and told them that I was looking around all night for two beautiful women to take a picture with and that I hadn’t found anyone worthy enough…until now. Would they be willing to take a sexy pose with me?

As luck would have it, they were! Zeke took the photo and I headed outside to look for the cab, just as Nick began to have his own adventure.

Apparently, one of the girls had been shaking off a loser all evening, and Nick was now in place to help her out. As the guy came back over, she latched on to Nick and said “This is my boyfriend, now go away!!!”

The guy called Nick an asshole, and the girl thanked him. Nick was now in place to help her again, as they needed a cab. This is when the girls passed from Nick’s territory into Jakes.

Last year at Eccentric Night I had a large bruise on my leg for several weeks falling into the cab on the way in. Since last years eccentric night had gone just about as well for me, it was no surprise when I fell into the cab once more. Embarassed, I hauled ass into the cab seat as the rest of the party filed in after me….INCLUDING the two girls I had passed to Nick, who were about to be passed to Jake.

We were almost back to Jake’s apartment when they realized they couldn’t find their purses. Jake found them, and got to make out with them as a reward. I was working on not passing out in the car, which was easy because Kara was wailing at the top of her lungs about soul mates perfect eyes, and historical knowledge.

We filed into Jakes place and I passed out immediately on the sofa.

I mentioned last week that this was going to talk more about the Megan situation. Here’s how. Apparently I had an entire conversation with her…in my sleep, that Zeke and Jill teased me relentlessly about the next morning.

While sorting it out in my head on my way back to Cadillac, I finally realized what was up. I was sad because she was my friend now, and there was no going back now. What it took to get me to realize this however, was four skanky girls, a guy with six nipples, and two beautiful angel wings.

It should be noted before I leave, that Jake was very pleased with himself for having made out with the girl in the cab. Two weeks later when Zeke, Kara and I were looking at the pictures however, we realized that their no strings attached relationship did have a string we hadn’t noticed…Ladies, use your imagination to think about where that string might have been located and we’ll see you all next week.