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Spring is Sprung

April 4, 204

Spring means several things. It means the school year winds down and I can begin building the repertoire I draw from to write these articles again. It means only 4 more issues of Rhythm of Life after this one until late Fall when I start up again with 13 new ones. It also means those hideous things likes Squirrels chasing each other through trees in search of a good humpty dance. It means high school students walking hand in hand through the streets, it means people begin pairing off one by one while Dave sits around and thinks to himself…what am I doing wrong?

The thing is, this year, Spring isn’t pissing me off as much as it used to. This year, Spring is alive with possibility. Right now I have three potential prospects. Why, you may ask, did I at some point hate Spring? Here’s a quick trip to the Archives before I get going with the rest of the article.

This one never got posted, because it was written before my web posting days. The back story is, I’m still living in Kalamazoo with my old roommate, it’s the end of our first year together, and about 3 months after the brutal robbery that left actual feces in several strategic locations around the room. There was this girl I liked, and she hit me with the friendship stick…

The very next day after getting hit with the “Friendship Stick” I was driving home from work (Bells this time, not Kalamazoo 10) when I was surrounded by the most annoying thing I’ve ever endured. I was stopped at a light at Stadium drive, and this particular light is a long one to begin with. I turned to my left and saw a happy young couple smooching in the front seat. Disgusted, I turned to my left. Another young couple, this time staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as she carressed his cheek and smiled at him sweetly. Behind me I fared no better for eye candy, a girl with her head on a guy’s shoulder. Crossing the street were two old people holding hands, it seemed like everyone was in love and flaunting it.

I almost threw up.

This sort of thing has fascinated me for a long time, having not really passed the two week mark with anyone I’ve dated, whenever I’m single and not just fresh from rejection, I find it cute, yet still a little revolting. When I’m fresh from being killed, it’s nauseating.

Luckily, I’m not alone in this. Jana told me she sees couples in love everywhere and it pisses her off, especially the ones who insist on making the rest of us watch it.

Yes, dear readers, it’s that time again. Case in point: Exhibit A. While they may not be together anymore, my friends from East Lansing, Rosa and Andy, were probably the most revolting of the people in this category. They fell in love one summer, and after overcoming odds such as Andy’s parents disapproval of her, deciding on when to incorporate sex into their relationship, and the inevitable moving in and getting engaged thing, they wanted everyone to know their love was for real.

Of course, no love ever runs smoothly, and these two are prime examples. They’d have massive arguments over stupid things like use of the car, what movie to rent, why Alec Baldwin is a better actor than the rest of the brothers…you get the point. It just amazed me!

It amazed me because I suddenly had a new hypothesis. Love makes people stupid! If two people who claimed they loved each other wouldn’t talk for three days because one wanted to rent “A Walk in the Clouds” and the other wanted to rent “Demolition Man” that had to be solid evidence to support my theory.

I needed more however, and I invited myself along as a third wheel almost every night for six weeks. In that time, they argued over what food to order for dinner that night (9 times) Why Andy was looking at that other woman (16 times) Why what Andy said hurt Rosa so badly (45 times) Why what Rosa said hurt Andy so badly (1 time) why it was Andy’s turn to do the dishes (117 times) the list goes on! Considering how each of these arguments resulted in at least an hour of not being on speaking terms, I can honestly justify from watching this couple, that people become stupid when they’re in love. Now where’s my fucking Nobel Prize?

The two things I hated most during this six week experiment, were the make out-I mean, Make up sessions for one, and the anniversaries they celebrated for the kill. Sitting in the back seat while you watch two people screw in the front just doesn’t have the same kind of charm as it does when you watch it on video. Crap, did I say that aloud? And all those anniversaries! I find it hard to believe that someone can justify taking time out of their day to celebrate the seventh anniversary of the first kiss after making up for the sixth time after arguing about taking the trash out for the seventh. (NOTE: This observation also can be submitted for evidence to back up the theory of the last few paragraphs. AND NOTE: What’s even scarier is that Hallmark really DOES make a card for everything)

The next logical step for them, after all those arguments, and all those make ups, was sex. They fumbled around the decision, but made no secret to anyone that they were talking about it, and it was also no secret when it finally happened. Oh we were all so proud of them, especially the majority of us who were single. We were so proud we almost wanted to pick up some bricks and build them a house to be happy together with each other inside of. Of course, this house would have no doors or windows, and once they were inside, they’d be trapped there forever.

A few months later, after they’d been dating for probably a year and a half, and living together for about six months, Andy proposed. I’d had a slight falling out with them over something completely unrelated to any of my research. Ok, it was more than a slight falling out, something had happened that pissed me off so much I stopped calling them and hanging out. They ran into me downtown once, holding hands and skipping along in that sickening way lovers do. Anyway, they were all happy, and skipped up to me holding out their hands. “WE’RE ENGAGED!” They proclaimed to myself, and the street full of people. The passers by cared just about as much as I did. I remember thinking to myself that people my age had no right getting married if they weren’t pregnant. A lightbulb appeared over my head, since I didn’t care if they liked me or not anymore, I asked what prompted the decision, and was it because she was pregnant? They laughed. “Oh golly no, we just love each other so much.”

I think I would have rather had them bring a baby into the world rather than hear their answer, especially since I was fresh from being dumped by Angel, a story from the old Dating files which got lost on my old computer when it crashed. If I experience a dry spell in stories I’ll type that one up again. I digress. Anyway.

The point of this article, is that you people who are sickeningly in love, don’t have to flaunt it. Exhibit B: My best friend Kevin, and his fiancée Raeanne. They love each other, they do brief PDA’s but nothing revolting, and most importantly they don’t involve everyone else on the planet in their sex lives! They celebrate the anniversary of their first date and that’s it, after they get married, they plan to just celebrate their wedding anniversary. I can live with that, I’ll even send them a card for crying out loud!

So, my plea, my request, my manifesto…knock it off you lovers! Not everyone’s as lucky in love as you are!

* * *

Okay, so I’m over that period of my life now. Whatever happens, Spring just means a couple more months before Summer vacation. What’s going on now?

First of all, there’s “The Girl”. I’ve mentioned her several times on the live journal. She’s the seventh grade science teacher, and we’ve been on two official dates, as well as several “mini” dates consisting of line dancing lessons. She’s great, and fun, and…well…a fellow teacher, who can understand the rigors of a long day of teaching.

Option 2, there’s a girl I met in Traverse City while judging for Odyssey of the Mind. She was a judge in the same competition I participated in. We were supposed to hang out over break, but thanks to a broken fuel pump on my truck, I didn’t do ANYTHING over Spring Break.

I don’t want to get into option 3 right now, just wanted to let you all know that some interesting Rhythms might be coming up.

What else is on deck for the final four? I’m going to introduce you to Justin, Kara’s new fling. I’m going to introduce you to Amy, Jake’s forbidden love. I’m going to tell that damned Nick story I keep meaning to write to show him how cool he actually is!!! And how will Volume 3 end? I don’t even know yet!

See you next week!