-=[VOLUME 4]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Issue 6. Halfway to the numbers I promised you for the new volume, but you might get 3-7 more than 12 this year. Additions is about combining your personal life and your romantic life and the problems that sometimes occur when doing that. There's also a little secret that I've known for about a month now that I've included because it's necessary for someone to say it. I checked. I've changed your names so there can be no lawsuit. Next Week: Nicks Day Out.

I began to wonder recently, what it means to have your friends, and have your girlfriend, all in one sentence. If you recall last volume, when I met Stacey's family, it was a gauntlet. In fact, it wasn't just a gauntlet, it was the Nuremburg trials. There was me, and twenty other people sitting on the other side of the table, and I was trying desperately to worm myself out of the war crimes tribunal, and make sure that I was actually worthy to rejoin society.
Since the gauntlet, I've hung out with Stacey and her family over fifteen times. Sometimes I've volunteered, sometimes I've gotten the distinct impression that I've got the option of saying no and ending the relationship right there. Not wanting to, I've done exactly what I said I would never do, enter the realm of "Dave makes new friends just for the sake of a girl."
It's not completely fair to say that, because if Stacey were aware of my feelings on the matter, we'd probably be making plans with Kara and Justin for every weekend into December. This whole thing is my problem, lets just get that out of the way before anything.
The problem is, her family is her friends, and my friends are my family.
We've spent about a week and a half at my mom's in New Era together, while I've spent the better part of a collective month there, to keep my summer cheap and easy. My mom is my family, while my sister and brother simply annoy me and in public places, I pretend not to know them.
Stacey's family however, is her entire life. Her mom, her dad, her brother, her sister, all of them are incredible people, who I like, but whom I'm not invested in entirely. Jake, Kara, Nick, and Kaylee…if they were to say to me tomorrow they didn't want to be friends with me anymore, I would probably want to shoot myself.
The problem is, I see plenty of Stacey's family. What I haven't seen much of this summer, is Jake, Kara, Nick and Kaylee. Not to mention the fact that I've been a terrible father to my cat, whom I've just sprung a little surprise on.
Nala, my cat, now has a little kitten to keep her company…the kitten's name…Nemo. I did that not only because I like the Disney names, but also because I truly am a psychotic who likes to name his cats after Disney movies and tell Veterinarians they're not doing enough to save my baby's lives, when all they have is a little kitty cold.
Truly, a problem for a different article. Or maybe not.
The fact is, I miss my fucking friends, and if we have to hang out with hers every weekend, I'm about ready to shoot myself in the foot with a pool cue.
We made plans to return to the scene of my college years, where all my friends save Kara still live, and a wonderful evening ensued. The trouble was, Nick left early because he'd had a long day at work, and every time I started to make small talk with Jake and his girlfriend Amy, I got the distinct impression I was hurtfully injuring my relationship with Stacey.
The problem, as seems to be the viral infection this volume was that the problem only existed in my head.
Except maybe for Jake and Amy, because I probably said the sum total of a paragraph to each of them over the course of the entire night.

Is this my life now? Ignoring those who've stuck by me in some of the worst situations of my life to solely spend all of my time with someone who has only been around for four months? And am I a horrible boyfriend for even putting pen to paper with such a thought?
No it's not, and yes I am.
While I found myself wondering these things, Jake found himself announcing about the new addition in his own life.
Jake's job, which I once described as a trendy department store, until he pointed at me and laughed until everyone in the room was looking at me like I was some kind of retarded circus monkey, had apparently given him a promotion…to a different store near Grand Rapids. The addition was a 45 minute drive, and the ability to change the status of his relationship with Amy, because now they were no longer superior and subordinate at the same store, something their company frowns on. It should also be noted that by superior and subordinate, I do NOT mean they donned leather, grabbed whips and began some nasty S&M sort of thing. At least, I sincerely hope not.
The one part of this whole situation that sucks the most, is that I've started to realize, while Kara loves spending time with me and Stacey, Stacey doesn't seem to love spending much time with Kara. Strike that. Kara is okay. Jake, Amy, and Nick seem to be okay, but Kara and Justin together seem to be a sore spot.
At one point, before the end of the school year, we all had a stressful day, and retired to my own apartment to watch the NBA finals.
About halfway through the night, I said something wrong about Republicans, and Justin ranted about the evils of everyone other than himself. Stacey left in tears, and Justin and Kara left soon afterwards. I laid back on my bed, my head swimming with "What the hell just happened here?"
Ever since that day, if I've got plans with Justin and Kara, Stacey is rarely able to make it.
Another problem, came in the form of Meghan. When our relationship ended we remained friends, and we two-way each other on our NexTel's just to shoot the shit and keep up to date on each other's lives.
The trouble is, Meghan only seems to call when Stacey is around, and Stacey is far from amused about it.
"You should talk to her about that." She says. "I know." I say. The problem is, Meghan is still a friend and I don't plan to talk to her about it, because we can carry on a friendship even if we're seeing other people.
Now for another segue. Kaylee, our good friend had recently picked up her own addition. No longer was one the loneliest number for her, because she was now a one plus one. Zeke had re-entered her life.
Zeke, apparently, had decided that Kaylee was exactly what he needed, and drove to her hometown to track down her parents for her phone number. Two strained phone conversations later, they agreed to have dinner, and began again on the path towards a relationship together.
WHAT DO WE ADD TO THIS EQUATION? Lies are the addition here. What Zeke said was "My ex and I have been over for three months and I can't stop thinking of you."
What actually happened, as I found out MUCH later, was Zeke's ex had moved to California because she was tired of him less than a week before he traveled to Kaylee's hometown to track her down.
Kaylee was now facing a situation similar to me, because now, Kaylee's choice of who she could hang out with was limited, due to whom she was dating.
Why is it, that when we're in a relationship with someone, our relationships with others suffer?
Jake's new job will undoubtedly be a blessing for their relationship, and Jake has never had a problem balancing the juggling act of friends and girlfriend. Kaylee and I have it a little more difficult. I now know that there are two people I can not have around when Stacey is in the picture.
Ideally, I will sit down and have this conversation with Stacey, but for a brief period of time I thought I was the only one with this issue. This article is for all of you who are in a similar situation. The addition of a girlfriend to your social circle doesn't have to mean the end of your relationships with others. It simply means you're going to have to get a lot better at juggling what has to be one of the hardest things to juggle between a job and a social life.

Not just another pretty face...

Rhythm of Life is published Sundays by David A Johnson, every October-midwinter. You may check out the back issues at any time.

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